


"I Gave You All": The Selfish Man

by ramify



Series: Supernatural Songfics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mumford & Sons, POV Castiel, Songfic, supernatural universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramify/pseuds/ramify
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel wished Dean would trust him and give him his all as Castiel has done for him, but Dean is the selfish man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I Gave You All": The Selfish Man

**Author's Note:**

> A songfic based around the song "I Gave You All" by Mumford & Songs. 
> 
> As much as I love and relate with Dean, sometimes I love and relate with Castiel even more.
> 
> I will probably post more of these until I am able to write more of my other fics. I apologize for the wait.

 

 

_Rip the earth in two with your mind_

_Seal the urge which ensues with brass wires_

_I never meant you any harm_

_But your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearm_

 

Castiel stood silently at the shoreline, looking out at the large body of water that lay before him. He had always found the place comforting since the first day he had found himself there, and time and time again, he would always come back when his mind became too busy. It was a place to sort his thoughts and doubts, but at this particular moment, the word he chose was _feelings_.

 

He had never meant to hurt Dean Winchester; he had only wanted to protect the man, but Dean would never see it that way. Dean would always see Castiel’s decision as a cop out, as the easy route, because _“There has to be another way!”_ There was no other way. It was the only option at the time, and Castiel knew that. His only regrets was that he lost Dean Winchester and put him in even more danger in the process. The trust the man had in him could never be replaced, their very relationship would never be the same, and for that, Castiel hated himself.

_But close my eyes for a while_

_Force from the world a patient smile_

  

The angel closed his eyes as the ocean’s winds brushed against his face. He could smell the salty water’s fragrance and the waves crashed with a rumble at his feet. In the distance there was the call of a seagull followed by a splash as it dove into the water to catch it’s prey. Even with his eyes closed, he found nature simply stunning, but no matter how badly he tried to distract himself, his mind was always dragged back to what he had done.

 

It was rather humorous, once he thought about it. He was an angel, and Dean was a human; two completely different species that had somehow formed some strange, yet profound bond that neither two could explain. It was comparable to the fish and seagull. Two completely different things, one more adept than the other. A smile formed on his face as he thought of the fish and seagull becoming friends, talking to each other with each visit the seagull made, and the two stopping the apocalypse with the help of the fish’s brother. It was an amusing, yet impossible thought, but at least it distracted Castiel, if only for a little while.

 

_And how can you say that your truth is better than ours?_

_Shoulder to shoulder, now brother, we carry no arms_

_And the blind man sleeps in the doorway, his home_

_If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won_

  

Castiel could have won if he had someone standing at his side. He could have possibly won if only he was stronger, but he quickly dismissed the thought. His enemy would always be stronger, no matter Castiel’s strength. No matter what Castiel had done, the enemy would always defeat him, and it was Castiel’s fault. He had thought he was capable enough to perform such a task, but he was wrong. He was nothing but a soldier who had failed his Superior doing what he thought to be right.

 

The angel had been doing that more and more as of late; failing his Father, doing what he thought to be right. He had gone against the supposed word of God on numerous occasion to help the Winchester brothers because they had told him what was right and he realized that he agreed with them. He began to doubt his superiors and he even questioned them, and then he took his own path, beside the Winchesters.

_But I gave you all_

_I gave you all_

_I gave you all_

  

He had given up everything for the Winchesters; for Dean. Castiel trusted him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He stood beside them when the odds were in favor of the other side, but there was a small glimmer of hope that they could win.

 

  _Close my eyes for a while_

_And force from the world a patient smile_

  

Though he had no use for breathing, he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes once again. He looked up to the sky and held the air in his lungs. Castiel knew he had no right to be annoyed, and he hoped that when he exhaled, the irritation would leave him. Just as he suspected, when he let go of the air, it was still there. If anything, exhaling managed to amplify irritation, and it grew from a burning fire to a raging storm inside him.

_But I gave you all_

_I gave you all_

_I gave you all_

He had trusted the Dean, had given him all he had. Why couldn’t have Dean trusted him as well? Given Castiel his all?

 

Castiel had fallen for Dean. He went against his kin for Dean, and had killed many of his brothers and sisters for him.

 

Hadn’t Dean once told him he was family? Didn’t family support each other’s decisions? In the end, Castiel supported Dean, but why was it so hard for Dean to support him?

_And you rip it from my hands_

_And you swear it's all gone_

_And you rip out all I had_

_Just to say that you've won_

 

_And you rip it from my hands_

_And you swear it’s all gone_

_And you rip out all I had_

_Just to say that you’ve won, you’ve won_

 

Dean was selfish. He expected Castiel to stand beside and blindly follow him, but he would never do the same in return. The thought both hurt and angered Castiel. Castiel felt the rage boil inside of him as he ground his teeth and clenched his fists. If Dean were in front of him at that very moment, he certainly would feel Castiel’s fist against his cheek a few times, but as soon as the thought crossed Castiel’s mind, he felt guilt.

 

He never wanted to hurt Dean.

_Well, now you've won_

  

Castiel relaxed his jaw and let his fist loosen. He never wanted to hurt Dean again. He loved Dean for who he was despite all of his faults because they were what made Dean the man he was. Castiel would continue to trust and support Dean despite the fact that he had not returned the favor. He would not doubt Dean as he doubted his Father and brethren. He would remain faithful and loyal to Dean, and maybe someday Dean would do the same.

 

Castiel would continue to give Dean Winchester his all because he truly loved him more than the selfish man would ever know.

_But I gave you all_

_I gave you all_

_I gave you all_


End file.
